The founder and head pastor of the David's Christian Centre, Nigeria, Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo, has called on single Christians to ensure that friendship forms the major basis for selecting a partner for marriage - “Don’t marry someone you barely know  and try to make a best friend out of them, marry your best friend.’’

Picture: Founder of David’s Christian Centre, Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo

In addressing his congregation on the things needed to make a relationship work, he questioned the motive behind the choice most people make in choosing a spouse. According to him, a large number choose their spouse based on attraction alone. Although he admitted attraction should play a role in selecting a spouse, he iterated it should not be the first but rather the last quality one should look out for. The reason is that attraction fleeting; and love is not a feeling but rather a commitment.


From his experience as a counsellor, Pastor Okonkwo added that most singles assume marriage is mainly about sex not knowing it only forms a small part of marriage.


"There are couples who have sex once a day, some once a week, others once a month. The highest I have seen is a couple who have sex once every 2 years. There are 24 hours in a day, so even if you have sex for 1 hour, and pray for another hour, that leaves 22 hours. What are you going to do with the remaining hours of the day? So you see, sex and attraction is not the only thing that keeps a marriage together" he said.


Understanding GOD's original plan for men, women, and the union between them is key to understanding the role each must play in a marriage. The merging GOD seeks  is between a man and a woman and nothing else. All other unions outside this stand against his original purpose.

Picture: GOD’s order for marriage

A man and a woman are different not just physically but also emotionally and psychologically. Accepting and embracing this difference is essential in order to avoid conflicts in relationships and marriage.


In Ephesians 5:22-33, GOD clearly provides roles both sexes are to play in a marriage - the man is to lead and love the wife and the woman is to submit and respect the husband. Aside friendship, ensuring the chosen partner understands these roles and lives by them is another factor that must be considered.


Pastor Okonkwo further counselled singles to rather choose friends they have known for a long time as this helps hold the marriage together and keep conversations longer, because both parties will have much more in common as a result of their long friendship.